couldn't believe
she had said that
during the last few month
before the break down
every evening I listened to what she has written
I thought
we came closer to each other this way
Someone loves me II
never mind why
sometimes
I discussed with myself about my fear to sleep alone in the big bed
after a grueling day
after a grueling day
sure, it was boring to listen to me
protected in the shadow
of an endless walk up and down
with my hands and my feet
I fought against the loss
in my inner being
I was surrounded by constantly moving shapes
I cried a lot but it did not help
until I understood: I just struggled with some demons which were middle class and tame
there's a lover in the story
but the story's still the same
demon I
must vomit
demon II
with obvious erectile dysfunction
the outer figures
break into the inside-space
I showed Nikolaila
all the internal organs which have said yes, yes, yes
day and night
we walked and talked, not as an idle claim but to survive
I have to repeat
just to survive
again and again
I fell back in my suffering
Fritz the cat
is loved by our black soul
portrait of a lady I
which I have met in Milano
portrait of a lady II
with her I spent two days in a closed room
portrait of a lady III
she knew Andy was shot
portrait of a lady IV
nevertheless she gave her lectures
portrait of a lady V
I loved to listen to her
portrait of a lady VI
what she had to say about Foucault was extraordinary
portrait of a lady VII
she told me, for him (Foucault) the rupture was Beckett's Waiting for Godot
portrait of a lady VIII
she told me that he (Foucault) said: after all, we are all ruled, and as such, we are in solidarity
self-portrait
at the beginning of Winter
deformed self-portrait I
at the end of the year
deformed self-portrait II
while crossing the border
believe me, Lisa,
I remember your face very well
I also remember
the reptile-sharp pupil of yours
I had to accept
the inside-space was hardly to limit
don't look so afraid
there is no reason to suffer anymore
the prettiest flowers
aren't they growing in Nicolai's garden?
you will never believe me
until you have lost your faith in the pretty things
Nikolaila, let's do something absolutely wrong
while we're waiting for the miracle to come
one, who knows where to go
leads the one, who don't know
the revealing
the machine reveals the Jewish loss and with it our loss at all
the revealing
part 14,7
an instruction
how to get the trembling under control
one way to carry your father
(or was it Christopherus) on your shoulders?
I held my head
in my hands
my head was terribly heavy
takes him roughly by his arm
and leads him away
construction of the narrative I
connection from point to point with trembling fingers
construction of the narrative II
variation of the trembling all over my body
carry God
in the pocket of my mantle
a brief elaboration of a worm
crawling down the cross
the blood of our Savior
collected in a fruit bowl
the blood drips out
someone should wip up
Coronation act
on the day of my inauguration